The Mellowing of Age

It struck me today that I’ve stopped being angry at things the older I’ve got. Minor irritations that previously would have had me chewing the carpet in a thundering rage, now give me no more than a temporary pause for a deep hearted sigh, a shake of the head, and then I move on with my day. This doesn’t affect the big things of course: I still get angry about racism, homophobia, sexism, rape culture, and the ever increasing price of bourbon biscuits.

Via chocosophyThese are my human right, damn it!

But those aside, I’ve got a lot less angry as I’ve got older. Some of this is the result of work on my part. When I was younger I had quite a short temper (and, in many respects, I still do). This meant that I was quite capable of exploding with no real warning, including lashing out physically at people who didn’t know they were upsetting me and making me angry. This, I concluded, was not fair on those around me, and, to be honest, I was scared of what I might do if I didn’t check this tendency. But not acting on a temper and not having one are not quite the same and I’ve moved towards the latter as time has gone on. Not that I consider myself old, despite the repeated ribbing of my theatre friends, all of whom are at least 2 years younger than me. Some of them are young enough to not remember Kurt Cobain being alive.

Via biography.comPictured: Just some guy.

Now, you may be applauding this mellowness and see it as a natural maturing of age. But it worries me. It worries me, because rage is a motivating thing. It makes you capable of action. This mellowness, however, comes with a sense of resignation. That this is the way the world is and nothing will change that. That rage is as impotent as anything else. This lack of anger, this lack of ability to summon any anger at all, is too close for my liking to not being able to summon any emotion or energy or anything. Motivating fury is to me vastly preferable to the paralysis of depression. I’ve known both. Rage doesn’t last, but depression is so much harder to break free of.

So, I have mixed feelings about this mellowness. I suppose the only way forward is to try to keep the mellowness, feel angry when appropriate and temper the rest with a sense of optimism and well being.

Via Tumblr


One Response to “The Mellowing of Age”
  1. Dad. xxx says:

    Growing older does not reduce the anger or rage at life’s many and varied things that annoy, irritate or downright make you want to scream at the heavens but it gives you a change in perspective and allows you to think (count to ten) and use the indignation and anger to more constructive ends. But even then sometimes even the most educated need to scream st the moon!!!

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