All Writers Drink

I got asked today if I’ve ever written things drunk in response to my talking about my last piece where someone got to my blog through searching “all writers are drunk”. The answer is not no, but not yes. I have written drunk numerous times but never collected the fruit of that labour, mostly because it’s poems gifted to friends that they probably never wanted. Hold on to those guys, I may be famous one day. But if you’re reading this Victoria, then here is something that I’ve written drunk.Okay, not drunk. But the other side of sober. I’ve had a double vodka, lemonade and lime, a strawberry daiquiri, three shots of Jameson’s at the bar, 1 shot of Jameson’s at home, 1 double shot of Johnnie Walker, and half a bottle of wine so far. Alcohol: the drug that’s a drink and you can pretend it’s okay. I’m serious about that, by the way. I’ve done pot – I mean, really, who hasn’t? (TO MY PARENTS – are you really surprised?) But, without wanting to get on a soap box and stand on Hyde Park Corner – because it’s so far away – alcohol’s a drug. It fucks people up. It probably fucks people up more than most drugs, but then there are issues of availability and usage and I haven’t done the kind of leg work to produce any meaningful data. But, a drug is a drug is a drug.

Anyway. I’ve started watching Californication and yes, I am behind on TV series, but as it’s about a writer with writer’s block, I’m finding it kind of relevant. I write. It’s a stupid thing. I hesitate to call it a hobby, because people call it that and it makes me want to shove sharp things into their various orifices. This, to me, is my life. I want to write. I do write. I don’t write enough. I struggle. Life is hard. Anyway, I’m finding things that make sense in this show.

What doesn’t make sense also occupies me. In my experience, there aren’t that many breasts in a writer’s life. Maybe I’m doing badly or maybe it’s just titillation (PUN INTENDED). I find that hard to swallow, and I think that pun isn’t necessary, but it worries me that we see women completely naked on TV all the time and never a naked man. Why the fear of cock? Why the unnecessary sexualisation of women? That aside, and the drinking aside, it says some pretty astute things about being a writer. Half the time we don’t write. Half the time we can’t write.

The other thing that annoys me about it, if we’re counting and let’s be honest, we totally are, is that David Duchovny is far too fucking attractive for how long he’s been in this business. How does he do that? No, seriously. That shouldn’t be allowed.

I had meaningful things that I wanted to say about perspectives of being a writer, but to be honest they’d all fall flat. Hollywood doesn’t show us as we are, maybe not even at our best, but so what’s new? We dance. We sing. We steal things. Enough with Jason Mraz references. The point is that being a writer isn’t some safe haven where you get to be the guy who’s amazing and intellectual and has all these ideas… a lot of it is just sitting in typing at a laptop. Remember that when you read a book you don’t like. Somebody likely sweated over it. They didn’t mean to let you down. They just wrote what they thought was best.

We keep trying. Don’t judge us too harshly.

One Response to “All Writers Drink”
  1. dad says:

    FRON ONE PARENT No…as for the alcohol thing well as I guess the wine you were drinking was supplied by me then I have some responsibility in introducing you two!! Writer are reknown for being drinkers, such as Behan and Dylan Thomas being foremost in that elk but this is also true of other creative people with numerous people having problems of using alcohol but then we may all have sometime or another used it as a help in times of emotional crisis, as a pick me up when you had a bad day at work, as a relaxer,” I always function better after a drink or two”. The answer as is the usual case is that make sure you are the one in control how ever limited it is when the drug is in control it may be too late.. be strong and enjoy your vices but be in control of them…even eatinbg bourbon biscuts..xx

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